The most powerful weapon in Agent 47’s armoury isn’t in his armoury at all. It’s adjacent to it: just down the hall and off to the side, where you will find the tool that’s dispatched more scoundrels than any other: The toilet.
If you play like me, anyway. I don’t know about you, but my number one Hitman strat is loading myself with enough emetic to kill a horse and absolutely nothing else. Find a drink or snack tray your target likes to stop at, dribble some poison on it, follow them to the bathroom, drown ’em, done.
Problem is, of course, that those bathrooms can be so far away, or else your target decides to hurl into a nearby bin like a barbarian. Either way, it interferes with your ability to get onto more important Hitman business. That’s why an innovative modder named Notex has created the ultimate all-in-one solution for Hitman 3: The Portable Toilet.
“Enhanced with cutting-edge military technology from Kronstadt Industries,” reads the description, questionably, and “designed to expand upon contact with the ground,” the Portable Toilet is essentially a kind of inflatable porta-john a hitman-on-the-go can deploy wherever and whenever they like. Just stick it down somewhere and it will rapidly inflate to full size.
The possibilities are, of course, endless. Along with acting as a “sickspot and drowning setpiece” for hapless NPCs, you can also deploy it as a cunning way to obscure enemy lines of sight, or else just smash foes over the head with it when it’s not in its full-size, deployed form. You can also use it as a toilet, I suppose. Notionally.
It’s a work of military genius you’d usually expect from something like Metal Gear, and it’s yours to deploy at your leisure. Note, though, that given the nature of the mod, it will only work in Hitman 3’s offline mode or via the Peacock server-replacement project. Hitman’s official online mode is a no-go.
If that doesn’t deter you, Portable Toilet is free for downloading over at Nexus Mods. Just make sure you pick up the Simple Mod Framework—which you may well have if you’ve modded Hitman before—too. You’ll need it to live the toilet assassinations of your dreams.
