I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I’m afraid we’re now less than two weeks out from the release of Eli Roth’s Borderlands movie. As the fateful date fast approaches, Lionsgate has put out a final trailer, presumably just to give fans one last chance to point out how awful it looks.
To add to the existing list of reasons to suspect this movie will be a trainwreck—horrible miscasting, bad gags, shoddy visuals—the new trailer adds the wrinkle that Tiny Tina appears to be some kind of Chosen One in the narrative. She’s the only one who can open the Vault, apparently, despite the plot of the games hinging on that being the Sirens’ role. Changes to the canon in an adaptation are fine and often necessary, of course, but this one does feel right out of the Big Hollywood Book of Clichés, and it certainly doesn’t inspire any new hope in the project.
“Congratulations! The FIRST movie in 20 years to go straight to VHS….” says one of the scathing YouTube comments, from user @ruckus7554. “The Super Mario movie from 1993 is looking like a masterpiece,” adds @kylitoshow. The whole comment section is overwhelmingly full of such negative reactions, perhaps summed up best by @Xxrocknrollkid54xX, who simply says “Yeah this shit is gonna be ASS” (followed by three fire emojis for emphasis).
Over on Reddit, the atmosphere is one of depressed malaise, especially on the /r/borderlands subreddit where many of the series’ most ardent fans reside. “I’m excited to order the Claptrap popcorn bucket online, and that’s it,” says Eulenna, whose grumpiness is only exceeded by Sgt_Lt_Captain’s two cents: “This movie doesn’t even look like it’ll be so bad it’s good. It just looks upsetting. Like I’m gonna walk out of the theater actually angry.”
The mood’s no better in the more film-focused subreddits, such as /r/boxoffice. “I’m so glad this is what we get Oscar winning actresses to do,” says dremolus, while yungArson calls it “a tax write off if I’ve ever seen one”.
Of course, neither I nor any of these infuriated individuals have actually seen the movie yet, and the possibility still exists that it could surprise us all. But it does seem like an increasingly unlikely possibility, and the recent revelation that Eli Roth’s pitch for the film was based on a video of his dog taking a dump has sort of summed up the vibe of the entire marketing campaign so far. Either way, given the prevailing mood it’s hard to imagine this being anything other than a major flop at the box office during an already troubled period for studios, unless it particularly catches the eye of foreign viewers.
With the wider Borderlands franchise feeling a little lost lately, it’s a shame this isn’t looking like a more triumphant moment. But at least it’s brought the fanbase together in its own way—mocking the trailers en masse is about as united as Borderlands players have ever been.
